The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
