apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
