I just pynch a tree in the face
no, he came in my armpit
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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