Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
