There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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