were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
