Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
