so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
