Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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