:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
