Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
