Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
