sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fuck appropriateness.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
