I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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