your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
