I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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