My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
