Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
