Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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