Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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