I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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