I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
