I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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