i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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