Having a random hookup so left but love u
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
