im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
