It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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