ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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