My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
