So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
