Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
