Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
