So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
