you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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