I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
