i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
