i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
