Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dick very happy bro
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
