I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
