So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
