hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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