she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Life is so much better after having sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
