Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
