i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
