btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am spending my child support on dildos
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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