Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
