May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
