The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
