were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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