That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
