Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
